How to Survive a Theme Park Holiday

We have just returned from two days at Legoland in Billund.  Theme parks are not my happy place: crowds of children, queues and dubious food. Throw in some large novelty creatures and weirdly dramatic music and I’m out.

Here are my tips for surviving the experience.

This is a non-alcoholic wine. I recommend alcohol in large quantities.

1. Consider a different holiday: Fiji, Spain, the Fleurieu Peninsula – there are so many places you can go with children.  Why a theme park?  Our kids have formed lifelong friendships over the summer at Goolwa Beach.  Not a Mickey Mouse or roller coaster in sight.

2. If that fails, go to Denmark.  Why?  Because everything is nicer there.  Legoland Billund is your best chance of cool design with a sense of humour and a friendly, safe environment.  You can fly there from London Heathrow in less than two hours (not so handy from Australia unfortunately).  Japan probably does amazing, clever theme parks too.  I feel like I don’t need to test that out, but would love to hear if you’ve been to any.

The iconic LEGO sign and evidence of retail therapy.

3.  Stay at the Legoland Hotel.  It is more pleasant to walk through to Legoland than battle the traffic and carpark.  The Adventure Rooms are a joy for kids and you can cope for one or two nights.  The restaurant buffet meals are serviceable; and there is a nice terrace with a garden and playground.   It’s quite civilised, if you go at the right time of year (see below).

4.  Go mid-week and avoid July and August.  We went in July because don’t ask, and faced crowds and 30 degree heat.  This is not ideal and I do not recommend.

5.  If something went wrong and you’re going in peak season, buy a Q Bot.  This helps with the queue scenario.  Then you’re off: all the rides you can stomach.  Woo hoo!

The terrifying Canoe ride starts as a pleasant river cruise, then drops you off a cliff. It gets us every time.

6.  Lego House:  exit Legoland as soon as possible and go here.  It’s superb.  Opened in September 2017, it’s a large, airy building dedicated to Lego and play.  There are jaw-dropping installations including a tree which took 24,000 hours to build. It’s all highly interactive. The lower ground has vintage sets and the history of Lego, which is like a business masterclass.

7. Eat at Lego House. There are restaurants at ground level with good coffee and healthy snacks, and Le Gourmet for a proper lunch.

Things are looking up. Delicious rooster tartlet at Le Gourmet.

8. Also in Billund: Lego headquarters is opening (part in 2019 and) in 2021; a tour of this would be fascinating. And if soft toys appeal, the Teddy Bear Art Museum opened in May 2018.

9. Off-topic, but my sister put me onto the IT CC cream, which has been a revelation. It replaces seven products (sunscreen, moisturiser, base, foundation, concealer, illuminator). It’s amazing! Perfect for travel.

10. Finally, have a recovery trip planned. We’re off to Kefalonia tomorrow for some sun, surf and meze. On that note, I’d better start packing!

What is your favourite theme park (if such a thing is possible)?

Author: abailliekaras

Reader of fiction and non-fiction, it's a constant struggle to keep up with my TBR pile. I love books, food and travel. Proudly South Australian with a temporary home in London. Podcasts: "A Little Less Guilty" with Cressida Wall and "Books On The Go" with Amanda Hayes and Annie Waters.

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